MILK Podcast The Loss Season Episode 6 Losing Patience, All That Rage, and The Myth of Equal Partnership at Home with Clinical Psychologist Darcy Lockman

Darcy Lockman joins Mallory in the MILK Studio. Darcy is the author of "All The Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and The Myth of Equal Partnership," and  is a clinical psychologist practicing in New York City. 

"All The Rage" takes a close look at why in this modern era, full-time employed mothers continue to bear 65 percent of the childcare labor. 

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Mallory and Darcy talk about how anger and resentment led Darcy to action. Using her marriage as a case-study, she chronicles the experiences of a cross-section of women raising children with men — visiting new mothers’ groups and pioneering co-parenting specialists; and interviewing experts across academic fields, from gender studies professors and anthropologists to neuroscientists and primatologists. She identifies three tenets that have upheld the cultural gender division of labor and peels back the ways in which both men and women unintentionally perpetuate old norms. If we can all agree that equal pay for equal work should be a given, can the same apply to unpaid work? Can justice finally come home? 

Darcy Lockman is a clinical psychologist practicing in New York City. Her first book, "Brooklyn Zoo," chronicled the year she spent working on a city hospital psychiatric ward. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times and The Washington Post, and many others. She lives with her husband and daughters in New York. Find her at darcylockman.com 

MILK Podcast: The Loss Season, Episode 5: Compassion, Checklists, and Treating the Whole Patient with Integrative Oncologist Lanie Kasdan Francis

Dr. Lanie Kasdan Francis joins Mallory in the MILK Studio. Lanie is board certified in hematology and medical oncology and practices at The University of Pittsburgh Medical Center Hillman Cancer Center.

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Lanie is the founder and director of the Wellness Integrative Program Oncology at UPMC Hillman Cancer Center, where she a embraces holistic approach to care in the context of conventional cancer therapy. She was appointed by the state of Pennsylvania to the Medical Marijuana Task Force, and is a certifying provider. Lanie is Associate Medical Director, Medical Oncology for UPMC International, and is an assistant clinical professor at University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine.

Lanie is the mother to three boys, a fitness enthusiast, and Mallory’s younger sister. Follow her at @integrativecancerdoc.  

MILK Podcast: The Loss Season, Episode 4 : Funerals for the Living, Considering Alternatives, Missing Your Parents No Matter Your Age with Funeral Director Caroline Schrank

Caroline Schrank of Down to Earth Funerals joins Mallory in the MILK Podcast studio during The Loss Season.

With a background in fashion photography production, event and party planning, and the mother of two boys, Caroline Schrank was no stranger to handling details. But when both of her parents died within a few years of each other, she plunged deeply into the world of death, dying, and funerals. Caroline went back to school to become a funeral director, and Down to Earth Funerals, or DTE, was born. 

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As a funeral director, Caroline aims to take the confusion and complexity out of end of life planning. Her goal is to educate and inform people that death and funerals aren’t “one size fits all,” and that there are options and ways to enhance life beyond loss. She and Mallory talk about their own wishes, about handling bodies, mitzvahs and wanting to connect loved ones who have passed.

Follow Caroline at www.dtefunerals.com/

MILK Podcast: The Loss Season Episode 3: Motherhood, Marriage and Loss of Self with Clinical Psychologist and Author Molly Millwood, PhD

Clinical Psychologist Molly Millwood joins Mallory in the MILK Studio to discuss her new book "To Have and To Hold: Motherhood, Marriage and the Modern Dilemma."

When Molly first became a mother, she was fully prepared for what she would gain: an adorable baby, hard won mothering skills, and a chaotic, beautiful life. But what she was not prepared for – and what she did not expect – was what she would lose: aspects of her identity, a baseline level of happiness, a general sense of well-being.  And though she had the benefit of a supportive partner during this transition, she also envied and at times resented the fact that the disruption to his life seemed to pale in comparison.  

Photo by Kathryn West

Photo by Kathryn West

As a clinical psychologist, Molly knew her experience was a normal response to a life-changing event. But without the benefit of such a perspective, many of the patients she treated in her private practice grappled with guilt, self doubt, and fear, and suffered the dual pain of not only the struggle to adjust but also the overwhelming shame for struggling at all.

In her book, “To Have and To Hold: Motherhood, Marriage, and the Modern Dilemma,” Molly surveys the complex terrain of new motherhood, exploring the ways it affects women psychologically, emotionally, physically and professionally, as well as how it impacts their partnerships.

Dr. Molly Millwood holds a Ph.D in clinical psychology with advanced specialized training in marital therapy and intimate relationships. Molly is a licensed psychologist in private practice, where she is particularly known for her work with couples and with women navigating the transition to parenthood. She lives in Vermont with her husband and two children.  Find her at www.mollymillwood.com

MILK Podcast: The Loss Season Episode 2: How to Get and Keep Your Shit Together When Life Goes Sideways with Author Chanel Reynolds

Chanel Reynolds joins Mallory in The MILK Studio to talk about a personal tragedy, and what came afterwards for her family. In July of 2009, Chanel got the call we all fear: her young, athletic husband Jose had been struck by a van while cycling. One week later, she removed him from medical support and drove home to tell their five-year old son. In the wake of his sudden death, Chanel realized that she was completely unprepared for what came next: financially, emotionally and practically. She totally did not have her shit together. 

Andy Roberts/Getty Images

Andy Roberts/Getty Images

Through her grief, Chanel realized how many other people, just like her, also didn’t have their shit together, in terms of wills, passwords, creating emergency funds, and knowing loved ones’ plans and desires for when they died. 

So she launched a site, based on her experiences, called, what else? "Get Your Shit Together,” which exploded, and begat a book filled with super practical advice and BFF tough love. 

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“What Matters Most: The Get Your Shit Together Guide to Wills, Money, Insurance and Life’s What-Ifs,” is important and perfectly voiced – a missive that will motivate parents and non-parents alike to prepare for life’s curveballs. Chanel and Mallory talk a lot about parenting young children through this kind of tragedy, how to lean on friends, and how to slowly work your way through grief. Chanel lives in Seattle with her kids, and speaks regularly at events and conferences nationwide about parenting, estate planning, grief, loss, and shit like that.

Follow her at chanelreynolds.com.

MILK Podcast: The Loss Season Episode 1: Loss, Sex, Disability and Resilience with Author Emily Rapp Black

Writer Emily Rapp Black joins Mallory in The MILK Podcast Studio, to talk about the loss of her son Ronan, how her childhood was shaped by physical trauma and disability, and about the concept of resilience. Emily is the author of Poster Child: A Memoir and The Still Point of the Turning WorldHer writing has appeared in Vogue, the New York Times, the Boston Globe, the Los Angeles Times, O the Oprah Magazine, Brain.Child, the Wall Street Journal and others.

Photo credit: Catherine Davis

Photo credit: Catherine Davis

She is currently Associate Professor of Creative Writing at the University of California-Riverside, where she teaches creative nonfiction and medical narratives. Emily is actively engaged in conversations surrounding disability, medical narratives, pediatric palliative care, inequities in health care delivery, and the literature of embodiment, trauma, and recovery.

Emily’s book, Sanctuary is a reexamination of the word resilience, is forthcoming from Random House in 2020 and was awarded a Guggenheim Fellowship. Cartography for Cripples, which examines the intersection of art, disability, and sex through the life and work of Frida Kahlo, is also coming in 2020.

Emily lives in Southern California with her daughter and husband. Check her out at www.emilyrappblack.com

Episode 45: Candy Canes for Breakfast, Wearing Pants Outside and Other Holiday Parenting Tips from Ana Gasteyer

Comedian Ana Gasteyer joins Mallory in the MILK Studio. Best known for her incomparable work on Saturday Night Live from 1996 - 2002, Ana brought iconic characters like “Delicious Dish” radio host Margaret Jo and middle school music teacher Bobbbi Moghan-Culpa to life, and created spot-on impressions of Martha Stewart, Celine Dion and Hillary Rodham Clinton.

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Ana has since worked steadily in film, television, theater and voiceovers, while raising her family, and can currently be seen in Maria Bamford's Netflix series “Lady Dynamite” and in TBS's acclaimed series “People Of Earth.” She recorded her debut album I'M HIP, which is now available on iTunes, continues to tour the country with her live cabaret style show, and is currently working on a jazzy, holiday album in time for next Xmas.

Ana and Mallory talk for this special holiday episode about the pressure and pleasure of gifts, the vulnerability of failure, and how messing up a lyric while performing the National Anthem can be applied to parenting

Episode 44: Aerial Dance, Writing Your Feelings and Not Safe For Mom Group (NSFMG) with Writer Alexis Barad-Cutler

Alexis Barad-Cutler joins Mallory in the MILK Studio. Alexis is a writer and the founder of Not Safe For Mom Group, a digital space and community for mothers to tell their stories and express unfiltered feelings without judgement.

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Through #NSFMG Alexis has opened a frank, vulnerable dialogue that moms have been craving. Alexis also creates content for sites like Mindr, Fatherly, Beyond Mom, Hey Mama, and Well Rounded — among other outlets that cater to the parenting set.

She lives in Brooklyn with her husband, and their two young boys — who not only provide endless material for her writing, but also inspire her undying affection for dirty martinis. Find her @notsafeformomgroup on Instagram.

Episode 43: Two Jews/Three Opinions, The Tree of Life Shooting, and Saving Starfish with Rabbi Leora Kaye

Rabbi Leora Kaye is the Director of Programs at URJ, Union for Reform Judaism, and she joins Mallory in the MILK Studio. They discuss Anti-Semitism, parenting while Jewish, and how we can be more inclusive as Jews and as humans. As a Rabbi, Leora seeks ways to expand people's understanding of Judaism, encouraging them to approach their spiritual lives on their own terms.

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Leora's work experience spans the Jewish world and includes education, programming, and filmmaking. She first combined her interests in media and ethics by working on the Sundance award-winning documentary Blue Vinyl. She went on to work as the rabbinic consultant for Shalom Sesame, and has been an adviser on many other media projects. As Director of Community Engagement at Congregation Rodeph Sholom, Leora spearheaded innovative initiatives including the synagogue's groundbreaking conversion program. She also served as the Youth Director of Temple Israel in Boston and as Associate Director of Programming for Synagogue 2000.

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In her current position at the URJ, Leora is responsible for creative advancement of the core priorities of the Reform Movement: Tikkun Olam, Strengthening Congregations, Audacious Hospitality, and Youth. Leora graduated from the University of Wisconsin - Madison and received rabbinical ordination from Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion in New York. She and her husband Doug Gordon, a writer and television producer, live in Brooklyn with their children, Galit and Zeb. She is on twitter @LeoraKaye.

Read more on the Tree of Life Synagogue by Mallory Kasdan in the Washington Post.

MILK Episode 42: Empowering Women and Girls, Being the Connector, and Getting Out The Vote with Carley Roney

Carley Roney joins Mallory in the MILK Studio. Carley is an entrepreneur and co-founder of The Knot, NYC's most successful early Internet company. She led The Knot from its early days as a wedding website to a multi-platform, multi-brand billion dollar company called XO Group.

Outside of XO, Carley has focused her expertise in branding, content, and community building to support female-founded start-ups and progressive causes.

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Carley sits on the Board of Directors of fashion disruptor Rent The Runway, as well as non-profits Power of Two, Project Entrepreneur, and Brooklyn Community Foundation. She is a huge fan and advisor to female-led political community organizing start-ups Motivote and Sister District.

She lives in Brooklyn with her family and wants you to VOTE.